rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
