He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
