i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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