I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
