Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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