I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
