if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
