He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
