the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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