Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
