I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
