I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
