I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
