i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
