I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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