I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
