Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
