you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
