how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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