Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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