i just had sex bonerless
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
God, I missed his penis.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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