What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
