kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
