did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
