Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
