Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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