You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Holy shit dude........stairs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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