I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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