i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
