So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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