So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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