A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
