i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
