I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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