I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
