i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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