I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
