our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize