bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize