Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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