so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
