is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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