right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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