When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
