I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
