can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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