I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
