i just had sex bonerless
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
