everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
