I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
