I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
