Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
