Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
