Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
