College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
