omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
