That's intense
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
