I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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