Only a mothe r could love this liver
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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