the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize