Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
