She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
