the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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