I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
